About Me, Family, food, LDS, ldsmom, miscarriage, mother, motherhood

Wait with Courage

“Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.” Psalm 27:14

As I had more children, and more miscarriages, I would have many people ask how I kept trying after losing so many babies.  This scripture in Psalms sums it up nicely.  I had to wait on the Lord.  The ONLY way that I kept going each day, trying to be happy, trying to keep up the hope that someday I would successfully carry the baby that I knew was meant to come, was because I DEPENDED on strength from a higher power.

That doesn’t mean that I was always happy about waiting.  Or just shrugged it off when yet another doctor appointment had the doctor saying “I can’t find a heartbeat”.  Let me tell you, those are some of the worst words I’ve ever heard.  That phrase is something I was not prepared for.  Not the first time, the second, or the last time.  I never knew I could cry so many tears.  With each pregnancy, I would try to tell myself that I wouldn’t be so sad if I lost this baby.  That I could handle it better because I’d been through a loss before.  But each time there was no heartbeat, my heart still broke.  Every. Single. Time.

We as humans, I believe, have a natural hope inside us that all will be well.  And I believe that with all my heart.  In the end, all will be well.  It’s in our journey that sometimes events in our life are not well.  Learning how to cope, grieve, and process these events will help us to be stronger BECAUSE of our sorrows.  I learned that I had to be patient with myself as I took time to “silently” grieve the loss of each baby.  And sometimes, out of the blue, I would feel that loss so intensely.  And that’s OK.  Feel that loss, then let yourself be comforted. Let your heart be strengthened.

Having the courage to wait on the Lord, and to keep trying through any struggle is important for us to all learn.  My wonderful, talented husband lost his job when our youngest, whose 7 months now, was only 6 weeks old.  That was hard.  That took COURAGE to finish his last two weeks and train his cheaper replacement.  It has taken COURAGE to get up each day since and spend all day searching and applying for jobs.  He has applied to over 100 jobs, had several interviews, but still no job.   His heart needs strengthening now, just as it did when we lost our little ones.

I know that when we look outside ourselves, turn to the Lord for strength, and look for ways we can fill someone else’s needs, then our burdens are lightened. I know my burdens have been lightened by many kind words, plates of cookies, people taking care of my children, and sweet notes in the mail.

I hope this day that your heart will feel strengthened.

Life is Good.  Share the Good.

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