Once upon a time, I was a young wife. And I had the great idea that my husband, Mark, and I should start a family. I was still in college at the time, and my loving husband, thought that was a bit crazy, but gave in to my puppy eyes anyway! Well, that first baby was born during my last semester of college. It was hard, but so completely changed my life. I never knew how much I could love, until I had my own little baby in my hands.
Fast forward sixteen years later. I woke up from anesthesia to a kind nurse asking me how I was. After she was sure I was doing ok, she asked, “So is this chart really true that this is your 10th miscarriage?” I replied yes, that it was. Sometimes you don’t realize how much you’ve been through until you put is on paper.
Somehow, I have been blessed with six beautiful kids. My oldest is 17, and my youngest is 7 months. In between these 17 years I also lost 10 babies. Two of which ended with me needing a D&C. I wish I would have learned sooner in my journey of having kids that is is that it is OK to be sad-like really sad- for months or years. It is OK to be lonely. It is OK to tell people. It is OK to look at other people with babies and feel like your heart just got ripped out-again. And it is ESSENTIAL to turn to God to help, not to push away from Him.
It took me a long time to realize the amazing lesson God was trying to teach me through all my losses. He was trying to teach me to look past the outer appearance of people. To see that each one us of has “sorrows that the eye can’t see”. Many of my miscarriages were only known to God and my husband. For most of them, I already had little ones, I couldn’t just sit in bed every day and be sad. I had to be SAD while DOING life. And so does most everyone we meet as they face challenges. So as we go about our lives, look a little deeper into the eyes of those you meet. Pay attention to the little whispers in you heart, that someone needs a smile, a hug, a thank you.
My hope though this blog, is to share a little about how waiting on the Lord for blessings I desperately wanted,my little rainbow babies, helped me to grow and learn in ways I didn’t expect. I also hope to share things I love such as baking treats and spending time with my family.
I hope you too will reach out and share experiences you’ve had.
Life is Good. Share the Good.