courage, faith, Family, Father, LDS, Wednesday Stories

A Father’s Strength

Today’s Wednesday story comes from David who posts as @unleashthehero on IG.  I love his posts.  They are always positive and encouraging us to keep staying strong in the gospel.  As you read his story, I hope it helps us all to remember that we all have our challenges in this life.  And we all have choices to make as we go through those challenges.  We can choose to be happy and keep holding on to hope.

“My name is David Martinez and I grew up with a Latino traditional family.  A family that struggled but never gave up on “family”.  I went to college in Utah and served an LDS mission in Southern California.  After my mission, I came back to marry a beautiful girl. She was a single mom with two children.

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There was something about her that attracted me.  Not only was she beautiful but it seemed she was everything I wanted.  Independent, temple worthy and kind.  After my mission, I was a poor college student who had nothing to offer her.  I knew without a doubt I wanted to marry her but I didn’t have any funds to accomplish my goal.  She expressed she didn’t care and as long as I followed the Lord she would say yes.  So I went to a wood shop and carved out a ring that said “I choose us”.

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I dropped out of school and decided to marry her in the LA temple.  I thought my life was set!  Little did I know how hard it would be soon after.  I had to first become a father to her little toddlers 3 and 2.  Then I had to be a husband!  Then I had to provide for the family.  I was not prepared but I knew the Lord will help me through it.  I made several mistakes and it effected our marriage.  Here are the mistakes I made that damaged us.  I moved with her family and followed “their” rules.  Their “traditions”.  I slowly stopped talking to my family and friends.  I couldn’t be a “faithful” man if I continued to talk to my single mission buddies.  I couldn’t please my wife if I told her “no”.  So I told myself “happy wife, happy life”.

Fast forward two years later.  I found myself with a unhealthy relationship due to the fact I had to say “no” to her.  I wanted my own traditions as the head of the house hold.  I wanted to separate our little family from hers.  I found myself with an insecure wife.  My life just fell apart because I couldn’t say “yes” to her anymore.  I couldn’t feel like a true man if I didn’t tell her the life I always wanted.  I wanted my family near and my friends.  Within three years of fighting, insecurity and arguing between families our marriage was destroyed.  I found myself not being the young man who felt nothing was “impossible”.

I learned a lot from this trial.  Going straight into be a father of children not mine, being a “husband” and being “happy” was hard for me.  I married someone who believed I would just do exactly what she wanted.  I thought I was capable of such because I really, really loved her.  I found myself being such a better a father and husband.  Understood what my parents had and what we had was not the same.  It was not equal and was not healthy.

Through a lot of marriage counseling and bishop meetings, I found myself seeing my bishop, family counselors all siding with me and not her.  I felt that I was right but didn’t know what to do.  Long story short she filed for the paper work and I blamed myself for years after.

I was a young man who felt the Lord punished me.  I blamed myself that I could have been stronger, a bit more patient, just tried a bit harder and especially said yes to her a bit more.  After two years of not being married.  I learned from my mistakes, from my faults as a man, I learned to be a father to my kids, I learned how much I appreciate the little things she had done for me and especially knew the Lord was on my side.  I tried to make things work but the love was lost.  The trust was gone on both sides that the divorce became ugly.  After two years of trying to win her over again I found myself knowing that nothing will work if we were not willing to work together.  I found myself coming to the same conclusion, either I listen to her or not have her.  I knew it was a trap going back to the same relationship.

I was very close to go inactive{in the LDS church} until I saw a vision of my kids being leaders of the world.  Expressing to many people that their “daddy” was a great example of a priesthood holder.  So I keep my temple recommend close to my hand and hold on to the iron rod.  Making the right moves with my social media, work and every day activities that nothing is “impossible”.

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The Lord is real.  His love is “real”.  I can either go away from Him or draw closer to Him.  I choose “Him”.  I made a commitment as long as I choose “Him” I’m bringing the world with me.  No young man or woman deserves the heartbreak of divorce or unhappiness.  So I choose to serve and be a better man.

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Teach my kids I love and respect their mommy.  Teach them that some leaders fall down to understand how to bring others up.  I just have to believe with all my heart, I just have to believe there is someone out there who is holding as tight to their temple recommend as I do.  That is my goal and my story.”

I can’t imagine the trial of divorce.  I have family and friends who have gone through that, and what I observe is that it is life changing.  But like David, we can choose to keep going.  To rely on the Savior to give us strength, and to help us learn from our trials.  To go to the temple and try and align our lives with the Savior.

If you want to add more positive quotes to your IG feed, then start following @unleashthehero.  When we surround ourselves with good, it helps us be more positive and hopeful.  I hope this week you will feel an extra measure of love from our Savior.  I hope that if you are struggling or going through a divorce, that you will know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are aware of you.  They love you.  Through them we receive the strength we need.

Life is Good.  Share the Good.

2 thoughts on “A Father’s Strength”

  1. This was lovely, I didn’t realize you had a blog also. I guess I should have, but I love that I have discovered it now, and I am grateful. Can’t wait to read and explore more of your blog!

    Like

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